Commentary

The Nitwits Are Coming!
The Nitwits Are Coming!

Paul Revere riding his horse warning the colonists

By Peter S. Kahrmann

You might not be able to hear me over the sound of the hooves. I’m riding my trusty horse Firefly to warn you American people that the nitwits are coming! And don’t you worry, ‘cause I ain’t tellin’ the British.

“Whoa Firefly, whoa. Let’s slow to a trot here so I can get serious with my fellow Americans ‘cause I really do love my country and I love a great many Americans, come to think of it. Good girl, good girl.”

Now if you ask me, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann ought to start their own rock group and call it Bachmann Palin Underthrive, although if they actually did this, I have little doubt you’d find them in a quarry gathering rocks in no time.

Now I don’t know about you folks, but I was raised to believe a basic education and common sense are important to any life. I still believe that. Education and common sense are important to any life, including the life of anyone thinking about being president or, hell, any elected official, for that matter.

Now I know there are smart Democrats and smart Republicans, but I’m kind of perplexed as to why the latter group has developed a sure-fire technique to let the nitwits, rather than the cream, rise to the top.

Recently, we have had Palin rewriting American history by claiming that Paul Revere "warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms by ringing those bells and making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free."

“Whoa, Firefly! Easy now!” (Sorry … she always bucks a bit when she hears a Palin quote.)

Anyway, the last thing Revere did was warn the British, and he sure didn’t ring any bells because he didn’t want to get caught (duh). In fact, if you really want to learn what his experience was like, you can read a letter he wrote about the incident by going to www.masshist.org/revolution.

When Palin was confronted with her blunder, she proved she really should be working for an oil company because nobody -- and I mean nobody -- can get herself into a hole and dig herself deeper and deeper any faster than she can.

Just listen to her response for a moment: "You know what? I didn't mess up about Paul Revere. And part of Paul Revere's ride -- and it wasn't just one ride -- he was a courier, he was a messenger. Part of his ride was to warn the British that we're already there. That, hey, you're not going to succeed. You're not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history."

And if you are dopey or groggy or foolish enough to think this is proof she knows American history, then perhaps you think she should be teaching English in an Ivy League college. After all, when someone called her on inventing the word refudiate, she responded on Twitter with: “'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!"

But Palin has found her perfect duet mate in Michele Bachmann, who assured us of her commitment to our safety when she said, "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas,” a statement that is matched only by another Bachmann quote: "There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design."

“Whoa, Firefly! Easy girl! Easy now.” (She has the same reaction to a Bachmann quote as she does to one by Palin.)

Here’s the thing: Some of what these two have said is so outlandish it’s funny; one would be somewhat relieved to learn they were joking.

But here’s the point: We are Americans, and we deserve leaders who have a working knowledge of our country’s history along with even a remote awareness that breathing in carbon dioxide will kill you. We deserve leaders who respect us and don’t treat us as if we are just a bunch of dumb, gullible folks because here’s the thing: If we are, America’s done, and that’s no joke.

“Giddyap, Firefly, we’ve got more people to warn.”

Peter Kahrmann is an advocate for people with disabilities and writes a blog on disability issues. He resides in New York state.